If you watch any good western, a bottle of Whiskey is part of the plot. “Leave the bottle” is akin to “you know…it’s been a really, really bad day”.
Now, often in a good western, there’s a complete idiot who thinks “Leave the bottle” means, “Hey, come over to me and say something stupid”.
Buffalo Bill and I had that kind of day Last Saturday in Golden, Colorado. After being in the portrayal competition all day (which is very stressful) we decided to visit a saloon that we had never been to and drink a few beers. Now, keep in mind we stay dressed in older fashioned cowboy clothes. We both have large mustaches, like the old west. We both have big knives hanging from our belts, like the old west. We both just wanted them to “leave the bottle”, just like the old west.
Will and I chose a booth and started to talk. A woman at the bar turned around and just stared. Not the polite “quick-glance”, or even the slightly longer “turn the circle so it looks like you aren’t looking”. Nope, this was a 2 minute “what the hell” stare. Will looked at me and glanced his eyes towards her and back at me.
“She’s staring” he said.
“Well, you are pretty ugly” I said.
He then scrunched up his face and stared back at her. She turns quickly back. We laugh.
The next few minutes are sort of a blur. But soon she is at the end of our table, bent down and staring at him, almost face to face. But no words. Nothing. Will has sent his signal “Hey, come over to me and say something stupid”. She didn’t disappoint.
“You freak me out”.
Always a strong pick-up line.
“You look like someone very special to me”
“He’s dead. I think you are his ghost”
I come in to diffuse the situation. “You are pretty old Will, maybe you are dead” I smile to him as I say it.
If looks could kill, I would be dead myself.
She finally left, and sat back down after some tense minutes. A few minutes later, a drunk walks by the booth , does a Charlie Chaplin put-on-the-brakes and backs-up. “Whoa. You guys from the hills?”
“Yep, been panning all day, only found one nugget” Buffalo Bill doesn’t even look up as he mutters it.
The drunk does a long stare. Head darts back-and-forth between both of us. He Shrugs and walks away. We both left the bar before anyone else blew smoke up our dusters. “Just leave the Bottle”.